Digital Pollution

Why do fridges have lights but Not freezers???

I love writing but writing in this blog is just a way for my self sane. A way to take all of these thoughts out from flying around my confused head and give them a home in this blog. And for other people to know what im going through and not make the same mistakes. Hopefully the good people out there have better sense than me and not fall in love with your best friend. In the end its just a need for companionship. Im an only child with a single mother living in some podunk town in southern germany where the only people i know are through school and live hours away. I live alone. In my little cube cut off from the world so i just want one person to share my life with. I dont think thats too much to ask. And the person i choose happens to be a friend then it should be even better it just means weve already got stuff in common and things wont be all awkward when we go to restraunts and theaters. We would be free to be our selves. That would be a REAL relationship.

Ive been thinking about susan. Thinking about her and me. And listening to depressing music. Bright eyes and Death cab keep me in good company. This is one of my bad habbits. Want what i cant have and feel depressed about it. Listen to depressing music to make myself feel worse. repeat. Its an endless loop that slowly sinks me deeper into depression and self loathing. But what can i do about it?

This hasnt happened in a while. My therapist tells me that im happy but for no real discernable reason. So ive just been floating on a cloud of previous bliss and waiting for something to bring me down. this is it.

Ive fallen hard for susan. Ive fallen for her wavy blonde hair. Ive fallen for her amazing taste in music. Ive fallen for her laugh. Ive fallen for her forrest green eyes. Ive fallen for her sleek, toned legs. Ive fallen for the fact that she always knows how to make me feel better. Ive fallen for her and it will be a while before i get back up.

I know she likes me alot. She practically told me to my face. But when i asked her out she was more interested in “other people”. Damn.

If your reading this just know that i love you and i would do anything to make you happy.

Your good friend Max

hey people of the world!

i know i know i havent written in a while and the only reason i can give is that i havent been depressed. plain and simple. the words only flow and make sense when theres something troubling me.

so  lets start at the beginning!!

(a little background first since theres probably a very different crowd reading this that im used to.)

her name is susan. i was completely in love with her for about a year and still think of what it would be like if i was with her today. she once told me that she was in love with me and everything, but its no use. ive moved on, i think. the other person really involved is my best friend jay. although he is a really cool friend, only he has recently taken interest in susan.  although he kinda asked me first its still not cool.

ok now . im talking to him, and he wants me to give him advice on what he should do to try to get her to go out with him!! WTF?? totally not cool. at first im like cool but i used my awesome ability to spin any situation so it dosnt seem so bad. so the way i see it, if she falls in love with him because of what im telling him to say, shes really in love with me. :)

that so much better, but i still want to find a girl who loves me tho and i thought it would be her. the past couple of days ive been thinking of ways to get her with me, but after tonight i really dont know what to do:( somebody help me??

-max

polyamorous:

(via devilwiththeblackdress)